Joaquin(g) murri(ly)eta into 2017

The first week of 2017 has seen relentless rain that will surely wash away the sins and blunders of the previous year.  Apparently 2016 was a wretched bitch of a year that swept through our peaceful lives reeking havok like a plague of locust.  Perhaps my head was lodged up my rear end for the past twelve months because I found 2016 to be rather pleasant.  Christmas and the days following it were especially nice.  Allow me to guide you on a strange journey accompanied by photos.

My father has decided that after he retires most of his time will dedicated to fishing, and a whole slew of other very random and borderline unrealistic activities.

The fish were not the least bit hungry, so Tom suggested we go wine tasting.  He pulled off the road quickly because of a sign for Murrieta's Well, which my father thought was some historic landmark for the notorious California Gold Rush bandit Joaquin Murrieta.  It turned out to actually be a winery, and a very overpriced one at that.  While strolling around Murrieta's Well I could not help but imagine I was on the premises of some powerful criminal's fortress.   

Joaquin Murrieta's Fortress is lined with beautiful agave plants, that are harvest and used to make the bandido's delicious tequila.

The dining hall is also quite magnificent!  My imagination has now completely gotten away from me, so now I will sprinkle a light dusting of facts over my bundt cake of lies.

 Joaquin Murrieta's head was severed and preserved in a jar of alcohol by the rangers that apprehended him as proof of his capture.  It was displayed to the public in Stockton and San Francisco, with a low admission price of one dollar.  Strange how this is the historically accurate portion of this Clog.  Happy fishing.

A few of my Favorite, and not so Favorite, Things

You know that lovey Christmas jiggle concerning some poor sap being stung by bees and then envisioning sugarplums and tinsel to bring him out of anaphylactic shock.  That may not be exactly what the song is about but bee stings are no laughing matter.  I am also several cups of coffee over my normal limit, and my mind is slightly scattered.  Perhaps this Clog should be dedicated to properly treating bee stings.  Nah, I think I will just tell you about something I like, and something that I truly dislike.  It is all in the spirit of the holidays.

I do not hate alarms, but actually hold a strong affinity for these chippy enforcers of punctuality.  Without the alarm, I would have been fired many years ago.  However, I absolutely hate the feeling of falling asleep (whatever the reason might be) less than an hour before said alarm begins to chime.  It is cruel beyond words.   

On a lighter note, I totally adore mailmen/women.  During the holidays they bust their asses twice as hard.  Show them a little love and they will reciprocate the gesture.  This is no hard task if the person delivering your packages happens to be James Delreal.  Keep decking your freaking halls!

From Ansel Adams to Enchiladas

I awoke this morning with a frigid blanket covering my body that provided about as much warmth as a wet newspaper.  I should have used a bag of frozen peas for a pillow just to add a dose of insult to the injury.  My skate down to 7-11 for coffee was done with more urgency and vigor on this particular morning, not because of an increased energy level, but as a way to generate warmth in my icicle toes.  My breath floats like a ghoulish figure through the crisp air and the sky is a somber grey.  Winter's grasp has overtaken San Jose, so let us think back to the balmy days of fall.

The Calderwood tradition of eating at this tiny Los Banos taqueria on the way to Thanksgiving dinner is completely glutenous but totally essential.  This year it was closed, which makes me think a trip back to Los Banos might take place in the very near future.

Day trips to Yosemite are becoming the new Calderwood Thanksgiving tradition.  The al pastor is not quite as tasty as Cotija's, but the scenery makes up for it. 

My uncle Vince is a big dude, coaches football, and does not come off as the warm friendly type.  He also makes a killer carrot cake!

Everyone probably thinks that their mother makes the best enchiladas on earth, but they are wrong, because mine does.  Writing this Clog has made me realize that many of my fall traditions involve Mexican food.

My store's remodel has forced me to be something of a Starbucks journeyman, floating from one location to another like some long haired nomadic creature.  The Curtner Starbucks just so happens to be conveniently located next to a bar called The Office.  Buy one well drink and get the second for two dollars seems like a great deal, until you realize the first drink is overpriced and the liquor is awful.  You probably want to avoid this place even if you feel a bit thirsty during your Christmas shopping.

Obligatory Sentimental Fall Clog Post

I always get a bit anxious around this time of year.  The month of November marks the strange transition into winter (complete darkness and a lasting chill) that is punctuated by a fleeting feeling of warmth and life.  Even the trees struggle to hang on to the few glowing leaves they posses.  I am always trying to wring out every drop of life from autumn's burning life force.  Knowing that fall is merely a transitory season, how do I live in the moment?  How do I obtain that perfect state of seasonal equilibrium, wherein nothing is coming nor going.  Do I toss the jack o'lantern out the moment Halloween is and start preheating the oven for Thanksgiving, or let that rotting gourd soak into the steps on my front porch and eat stale candy on my couch while watching Nightmare on Elm Street?  I should probably calm down, because I am sure that in a month or so I will be lamenting over a dying Christmas tree.    

Thirty Years of Pete

Peter Raffin taught me how to walk.  Not literally of course, my parents are to take credit for that.  More specifically, Peter showed me how take walk as a means of taking in every bit of the world around me.
As skaters, and Peter being one of the best I know, we almost always choose to travel by four urethane wheels rather than two legs.  The skateboard is clearly a faster and more enjoyable form of transportation.  But Peter would rather walk.  He traverses the urban landscape of downtown San Jose with speed and decisiveness equal to that of cold sap rolling down a tree trunk.  And just as the sap gathers little pieces of bark and other debris along its way, Peter absorbs the city of San Jose.   
He is that chipped piece of tile at the base of those stairs.  He is the hidden patch of graffiti behind that dumpster.  Peter is not a resident of San Jose, but an organic life form melded to the infrastructure of the city.
I leave my skateboard at home and take my steps a little slower sometimes because of Pete, listen to the voices of the pavement.

 

Hallohhhhh Well I am a Little Behind on Clogging

My current emotional disposition has left me fervently vexed.  I feel obligated to fill the month of October with as many Clog posts as humanly possible, being that it is my favorite time of year.  However I cannot for the life of me find a solid foothold to begin the arduous task of climbing this mountain of blogging.  I may as well start here, and after a few miscalculations perhaps I shall tumble right back to the base of the Everest sized pile of shit writing I have stacked up.



I want to see a show of hands from those hopeless souls, drifting throw the digital tundra of the internet, who are sick of watching the superhero car flip.  This gimmicky action device has been thoughtlessly thrown into several science fiction and action films.  Most recently the superhero car flip reared its hideous Medusa head in the the television series Stranger Things, a show that certainly should hold itself to higher standards.  I am boycotting this bollocks!

Instead of turning to cheap computer generated sludge this Halloween, watch something like Nosferatu, a vampire movie made during the silent film era that remains creepy as hell to this day.  

   

Cured Meats and Skate Treats

I decided to take The Clog to Barcelona in order to gain a new perspective on pork products and skateboarding.

As promised, here is a picture containing meat.  Below is a video containing skateboarding.  Beer is also involved, as per usual.