"Ouch, that hurt, you inconsiderate asshole. Try setting your glass down a little softer next time."
If
these words sound familiar you should probably seek therapy, because
they are those of your bar coaster. That's right, the thin little piece
of cardboard that works thanklessly to keep your drinking surface
untarnished. These faithful servants of the imbibing world are routinely soaked in
beer, ripped to shreds by the sexually frustrated, and tossed into the
waste can without so much as a thank you. The work of a bar coaster
makes being an experimental drug test subject seem enjoyable.
That is why I have proclaimed September 23rd bar coaster appreciation day. On this day I encourage everyone, regardless of intoxication level, to take a moment during your overindulging to praise the coaster that rests under your glass. Give it a high five, tip your hat, or perhaps do as we Calderwoods do, and bring it home with you as a keepsake. Just do not use your coaster as a frisbee on this most sacred of days. Save that for tomorrow.
Side note,
Tegestology is the term used for the collecting of bar coasters, which apparently makes me a tegestologist. I learn something new everyday.