As Christmas Slips Away

Having your birthday the day after Christmas must be a little rough.  With all the fun and merriment exerted on the 25th people tend to be less eager to party the following day.  I also doubt your dear friends have very much gift giving left in them.  It would really suck to be born on December 26th, but it would be even worse to be a holiday the the day after Christmas.  

I have endless sympathy for Boxing Day.  This overlooked holiday whimpers around in the shadow of Christmas like a nerdy younger brother.  It truly is a shame because Boxing Day is both more meaningful and modest than it's older brother.  In olden times servants carried around little boxes designed for collecting money from their bosses.  Placing money in these boxes was known as boxing, which we now call tipping.  December 26th was a day for employers to hook up their employees with fat tips yo!  So for all you waiters, bartenders, baristas, strippers, and anyone else who relies on those few extra dollars to survive, rejoice because today is our day! 

The Demon Baker of 13th Street

I have always been fond of the film, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.  I think it might have something to do with the films subject matter, that includes decapitation, cannibalism, revenge and meat pies.

While Sweeney Todd's throat slitting is indeed amusing, it is Mrs. Lovett's (who I have to assume is a distant relative of Jon Lovitz) 

use of human flesh as meat pie filing that truly peaks my interest.

This holiday season I am honoring the wonderful Mrs. Lovett by baking some meat pies of my own.

There are several delightful flavors like ground pork and mashed potato.

Try the ham, broccoli, and cheddar for breakfast!

Lastly we have here steak and mushroom filing that is cooked in ale and spices.

Christmas is almost upon us, so place your orders before I am too drunk off eggnog to operate a rolling pin.  Merry Christmas!

Beach Body in the Dead of Winter

Here at The Clog we have always been deeply connected to the fitness world, and spend countless hours developing new ways to ensure that you and your loved ones lead an active and healthy life.  Our newest weight loss venture is somewhat experimental, but the key concept is strongly supported by Men's Health and other reputable publications.  Recent studies show that sleeping in colder temperatures speeds up metabolism, increases fat burning, and some other mumbo jumbo regarding different colored fat that you are more than welcome to read about here: http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20140122/could-turning-down-the-thermostat-help-you-lose-weight.    

If subjecting oneself to uncomfortably cold temperatures during slumber is the key to weight loss, then why not spend a night at The Yellow House Icebox Overnight Spa!  Ever wonder how the occupants of this dilapidated shack off 13th and Santa Clara posses some of the hottest bodies in all of San Jose?  Let us just say it isn't their diet of beer and tacos, but rather the fact that during the winter months they sleep in below freezing temperatures.  For only twenty dollars a night you can spend the night sleeping on the floor in one of five unattractive rooms in the Yellow House.  After only a few sessions you are guaranteed to see results.  Imagine the breath you see leaving your frozen purple lips as pounds gracefully exiting your ass and thighs.  

Side effects may include:  Increased mucus secretion, shortness of breath, cough, color change in fingers and toes, arrhythmia, muscle weakness, asthma, shrinkage of the testicles and penis in males, frostbite, hypothermia, and in some cases, death.   

Happy Holidays!

Where was The Babadook in October?

Oh wait a minute, that's right, this psychological horror film debuted in the United States just forty eight hours ago.  If The Babadook had been available to me in October it may have slipped under my radar because usually I am either partying during the world series, building guillotines, or rewatching Pet Semetary.  So maybe it is better that I watched this highly disturbing movie right after chopping down a Christmas tree with my loving parents.  

   

The film is focused on a widowed mother and her troubled son who is tormented by a character (The Babadook) from a children's book she reads to him one night before bed.  It's a real clutch move on her part seeing as how her mental state is already in shambles.  Do not expect to frequently jump out of your chair during The Babadook, but also do not expect to obtain much sleep after watching this movie.  Some critics are comparing The Babadook to The Shinning, but it makes its predecessor look like The Notebook.

 

Bringing it all Back Home

Originally I had intending The Clog to be focused on "Pies, Coffee, and a Dollop of Skating."  If not for the fact that I have long forgotten how to edit the header of my blog, I might change the words to, "Booze, Skating, and how Seasonal Change Affects my Overall Outlook on Life."  Maybe I should just get in touch with my roots.

Pumpkin lattes are still totally in season.  There is still plenty of time to shamelessly consume pumpkin flavored things before December crashes down upon us like ten tons of spruce needles.

Starting work at 4:30 AM is tolerable once the days shrink to the size of an ice bath penis.  

The only thing better than red and orange leaves falling to the ground is the limbs from those very same trees following them.  

Underneath this foil a blueberry pie awaits an eager mouth and a hungry belly.  I give myself a one year window after promising someone a pie, and after that I'm just an asshole.  I barely made the cut with this one. 

Oh yah, and here is a photo of my flat bar.

What Happens in Between

In all my years managing the Clog (a daunting task that many times has driven me to the brink of suicide) I have made no bigger mistake than neglecting to post something about Travis Knight.  Part gypsy part genius, Travis bobs and weaves his way in and out of my life like a sewing needle at the hands of a drunken seamstress.  Never has a run in with Travis been without shenanigans, but also strangely profound and enlightening conversation.

During a Knight (see what I did there) much like the one pictured, Travis mysteriously showed up at Tyler's old house off of Race Street.  It had been sometime since last we enjoyed one another's company and we quickly dove into a deep discourse of gibberish.  Our ramblings eventually led the topic of skateboarding.  It wasn't long before we shared an epiphany.

Skateboarding is less about the act but more about the things that occur between skating. 

Whether it is driving aimlessly for miles with your friends, seeing new places, witnessing fights, eating in seedy restaurants, or sleeping in parking lots skateboarding puts us in the thick of it all.  It keeps us in touch with the world around us.  The fine mesh strainer of life will always catch the thicker chunks of reality.    

Things of Beauty, things that are Scary, so Let's all Dance with the Green Fairy

It is Halloween, and for the first time in my life, I do not feel as though it arrived to quickly.  October 31st sauntered up to us and casually asked if we could spare a piece of candy.  The exodus of this beautiful month leaves me weary yet satisfied.  The days preceding Halloween have been nothing but pure maniacal joy.

The Giants have once again won the World Series.  After three times in five years do you not see a pattern. 

Peter likes to keep it super mellow on his birthday.

A flaming sugar cube perched atop a glass of absinthe has been the symbol of The Clog since its digital birth.  I decided to pay homage to one the internets most pointless blogs by cutting some rug with the green fairy.  She is just as sweet as ever.

Be safe tonight my fiends!

Not a Breakup, Just on a Break

Our relationship went strong for five whole years.  We shared a common madness that flourished and grew as time went by.  But like many relationships built on a foundation of self destructiveness, an ever growing level of toxicity began to creep into mine and Jesse's lives.  Our infatuation with the beautiful temptress Oktoberfest started showing signs of decay, and the past couple years brought with them just as many regretful experiences as joyous ones.  It takes a strong willed person to recognize a floundering relationship and walk away before someone gets severely hurt.  Jesse and I will always reserve a special place in our hearts for Oktoberfest, and perhaps one day our paths will cross again, but until then we have decided to see other people.
  

Each Oktoberfest Jesse and I recruit new people to join us on our beer fueled adventure.

The mandatory turkey leg left a strange taste in our mouths this year.

Half Moon Bay was a welcome change from the hell hole that is Downtown Campbell.  The Art and Pumpkin Festival boasts shorter beer lines, better artwork, friendlier people, and a greater variety of music 

There is no greater thrill than wieners sizzling on a grill.

Half Moon Bay is a Giants town to the core.

Check out the nose.  I rest my case. 

Steroids work on pumpkins too.

Trying to watch some football?  Just plop your lazy beer soaked carcass down in front of the giant television.

This little guy's drum game is strong.  

As we reflect on all of our fond Oktoberfest memories, we eagerly await making new ones in Half Moon Bay.

 

As I Lay me Down to Sleep...

whose Instagram shall I creep,

Kevin had best not make a peep,

the chips in my stomach bounce and leap,

this drunken slumber's dark and deep,

I am the wolf, they are the sheep!

Halloween is near my friends.

All subjects photographed without their consent and knowledge. 

There and Back in a day, The Chico Story

Much like how Paul Simon sang, "I've reason to believe we all will be received in Graceland," and early American settlers firmly believed in manifest destiny, I have long felt spiritually drawn to the great city of Chico California.  The better part of the last decade I have stood idly by and watched friends and loved ones make their pilgrimages to Chico.  Scheduling conflicts prevented me from attending some of these trips, while others I passed up because I didn't consider myself mentally, physically, and dare I say, sexually prepared for what lay in store for me.  Part of me wanted never to experience Chico so that I may keep its mystic alive in my mind.
Apparently all I needed was a weekday off from work and two willing traveling companions to change all of this.  On a whim, Riley, Jesse, and myself took a day trip up north to fill that empty space in my heart that was Chico.

Riley is seriously as raw as they come.  He is also a raw uncooked tube steak.

We stopped off in Yuba City to skate a "street plaza," but somehow ended up at this ancient ruin of a skatepark.    

Our first pint of Sierra Nevada upon arriving in Chico.  I swear it tastes better here than anywhere else on the planet earth!

The Bigfoot Ale door opening device is perhaps the greatest bathroom invention since the hand dryer.  Although I still love the hand dryer. 

Mini taster beers ensure that you won't get totally wrecked, or they help you decide what is the appropriate beer for you to get totally wrecked off.  

Chico skatepark is a whole different type of bizarre, and do not even get me started on the Loccs there.

With a couple beers in him The Raw Hot Dog can accomplish anything.  He managed to sneak us into an Atmosphere concert for free.  Even after building up Chico in my mind for the past six years, it far surpassed my expectations.  

 

August < September

Summer's untimely demise at the cruel hands of September never ceases to leave me feeling bewildered and betrayed.  The nine month of the year is one hell of a buzz kill.  If august was a house party then September would surely be the police knocking on the front door.  Luckily August brought nothing but joy and mirth, so feast your eyes on these photos as you brace yourself for shortened days and term papers.

I hadn't been to a painfully bro'd out kegger in quite some time, and I was quickly reminded why (it was actually pretty fun.)

P Love had August completely locked down!  On B's last day in town we dropped some serious tube meat on the grill.

Daryl graced us with his presence and somehow managed to squeeze in a month's worth of activities into one afternoon. 

James got all weird on some jellyfish.

When you've got these two on your porch you know it's going to be a good time.  Or maybe just prepare yourself for some noise complaints.

An odd mix of people ventured off to Monterey for the First City Festival.  Strange times were shared and friends were made.

Taco Tuesdays at Tommy's has become a beautiful ritual.  On this particular evening Fnan convinced the terrified looking blonde haired woman's boyfriend to buy us a round of shots.  

The Giants have been getting it together this month, so come to think of it, bring on September baby!