Merry HalloweenMas Eve's Eve

Tis the night before Christmas Eve Day
and all through the hood,
not a creature was stirring
except a Calderwood.

The Holidays mean baking and pushing the limits of sugar consumption, so go get all cracked out and carve a pumpkin.



I present to you the Boogeyman.

Decking the Halls with Dank

My father, better known as the almighty Tom Calderwood, was purchasing a small cup of joe at Starbucks in downtown Campbell, when he was approached by one of the baristas working there. "You look just like the father from 7th Heaven," she exclaimed with a twinkle in her eye. I can only imagine the face my father made in response. Hopefully it looked something like this.



Whether or not Tom looks anything like Stephen Collins is up for debate.



Here is Tom Calderwood performing his famous "Don't Smoke Pot" monologue.

Oh by Gosh by Golly...

...it's time for mistletoe and holly. Bring some fine little honey to the nearest computer and show her The Clog. You are sure to get laid beyond belief this holiday season. I now present to you a few holiday related photographs.


If not for these two there would be no Clog. As if that even matters.


This place changes upwards of five dollars for a tube steak. I suppose it is the view you pay for, and the profound road signs.


When the weather gets shitty, the shitty get baking. Cranberry Pecan pie is the new "go to" pie, so trade me something for this heart warming yum yum.


Mountain Charlie was once known for roaming the Santa Cruz hills, beating the living shit out of bears, raping trees, and doing all things that burley men did back in those days. He is now known for sharing a name with one of Los Gatos' premier drinking locations. Drive a few miles up the road though, and you'll see the type of trees good old charlie is capable of dishing out.


December means winter time, winter time means fires, and fires mean sleeping kitties. December also means early sunsets, early sunsets mean early drinking, early drinking means early passing out by the fireplace. When you combine sleeping kitties and drunk people you get lots of scratches and bites. Tis the season my friends.

Size Matters

size matters, and in the case of daylight less is more. The time of year is upon us when the days are shorter and the the nights are colder. To many, this marks the end of good times and staying out until the wee hours of the evening. Yet I feel that these are the glory times. The times when we all must suck every last drop of life out of the day, and savor every second that the sun graces the earth with its radiant presence. This also marks the time of year when beautiful sunsets are in abundance. Here are a few photos from a day when the sunlight was not taken for granted.



The sky is ablaze.



The soothing slant of Evergreen High's parking lot.



Tis a Nugget.

Spot Check

I love fish. I love touching them, I love eating them, and I sure as hell love getting in bed naked with a couple of fine scaly flipper flopping floozies and... well... you know. When it comes to devouring sea creatures I am far from picky, but I do have a soft spot in my heart for fish tacos and other mexican seafood dishes. Dia De Pesca is located on the corner of Bascom and San Carlos and is definitely forth a visit.


Just look for this glowing beacon of hope.


A couple of tasty tacos, one breaded halibut and the other grilled snapper.



My pops got enchiladas with snapper. This sauce will turn your balls green.


What would a mexican meal be without some flan?


Tom Calderwood's expression says it all, "yah that's what's up."

Recapping and Crapping

As I sit here defecating with much joy and delight, I find that my brain is occupied with wispy leave coated images of october. With each chunk of poop comes a different memory of fall. I can see Halloween decorations adorning lawns, I can smell roasted gourds bursting from a hot oven, and I can smile knowing that good times have been had and more will surely follow. Below is a collection of random photos that illustrate the joys of october.











P.s I actually was not taking a dump during this post.

Eat your Damn Pie, Damnit

Pie is one of the greatest things on the planet, and so is pumpkin, and so is fall, and so are nuts... so therefore by default, pumpkin pie with nut topping must be the single most amazing to grace god's green earth . One slice of this pie contains more than half the daily requirement of vitamin A, and a nice wholesome helping of protein and fiber (I think). So grub away my friends, because fall is upon us and everyone needs some pie in their lives.

Ghouls Over my Garage

I know that Halloween is closing in when ghouls start appearing above my garage. It makes it hard for me to skate my box when there is a menacing demon looming over my head, but at least it enhances my holiday spirit.

A Grinch for every Season

As Halloween approaches it is important to pay tribute to those frightful animated films that bring us thrills and chills. People typically think of Tim Burton's The NIghtmare Before Christmas and Charlie Brown's The Great Pumpkin when it comes to animated fright flicks, but what about Dr. Sues?

unbeknownst to most, not only did the Grinch terrorize Whoville during Christmas but also on Halloween night! Halloween is Grinch Night was released during the late 70's and boasts some bizarre creatures and subtle religious undertones, that may or may not lend to the film's obscurity. Having said this, I doubt Grinch NIght is available at your local Blockbuster (no offense Chase), so come over to my home and we will have pie and a movie night.



That damn Grinch is always getting into some creepy ass shit.

Smells I am Intrigued by

Fall smells better than all of the other seasons combined, pureed in a food processor, sprinkled with brown sugar, and baked to a perfect golden brown. Nothing compares to the scent of the crisp morning air, and freshly steamed pumpkin spiced lattes of fall. All these aromas are in abundance during this glorious season, however lately I have been confronted with some thought provoking smells (the below pictures are not of the actual event).



The first smell that presented itself to me was that of festering rain soaked dumpster filth. I took a shortcut to my class today and found a wonderful collection of trash cans and recycling bins that had been drenched by the torrential downpour the day before. The smell reminded me of a wet rotting dog carcass encased in old pizza boxes.



The second pungent aroma I encountered was at the Roosevelt Park mere hours ago. While gleefully rolling around on my skateboard I noticed a dark cloud of smoke engulfing my surroundings. After some investigating I discovered that the fog of filth was coming from a bbq fifty yards away. This particular grill session must have been fueled by plastic bottles and dried up feces because after an hour or so of exposure to the smoke I felt light headed and weak.

Oh Yes, It is Fall

Cast aside your worries, sink your teeth into a sliver of pumpkin cheesecake, and desensitize yourself by watching one of the many vomit inducing horror movies that adorn the walls of blockbuster. Scary movies are monsters and so are monsters... having said that, here is the first of many fall film recommendations I will burden you all (Ben Fowler, Lane Kerans, and maybe Nugget) with.



Those Koreans sure do know how to create an unbelievably bizarre monster. Let the Horror begin!

Pastry Expansion

Today is Weed King's birthday. If have have no idea who Weed King is then you must be living underneath a giant boulder, because he is the greatest thing to hit San Jose since Tecate.


The King of Weed is pictured on the right.



I baked a chocolate sheet cake for WK's birthday day. Twas a welcome break from pie baking, and marks a whole new era in Clog baking.

The Choicest Death Destination

The lush grassy valleys and rolling snow capped hills of Scandinavia.

Bring on the afterlife.

Death is not the End

Of course, who would want such an end all be all? No one wants to die, but if we must then why be restricted to either heaven or hell? Stay tuned for the ultimate afterlife location :)

Jerking off

This enormous piece of beef jerky has graced the walls of The Cave since its original inhabitants first arrived. Carson Lee has recently parted ways with his beloved home and eccentric yet sexy roommates. No one dared break open the package and take a bite out of the giant piece of meat, until a couple weeks ago while Carson was packing up some of his belongings.



Soon after gnawing on the two year old slab of dehydrated steak Carson embarked on his own personal couch tour. He has been crashing on people's floors all over the greater San Jose area, so keep your doors unlocked because the homeless Viper needs a place to rest his lovely little head.

Going that Extra Mile

Documenting the events on a particular day is strange because it forces the documenter to view the day through a filter of hindsight even though the events have yet to occur. Don't fret over wether or not any of this makes a lick of sense, because chances are nothing that happened on this particular day made a lick of sense either.

After an arduous day of skating svp 2 Jesse and I embarked on a quest for refreshment. We desperately craved adult sodas but the only form of currency we had came in the form of Jesse's Chevron card. Hindsight could never have prepared me for the day that lay ahead of me.


Jesse Powered up for the adventure with some pineapple soda. Only Chevrons with an Extra Mile market attached to them sell booze, so that is where we were headed.


Unfortunately neither one of us knew where an Extra Mile was located. After a few miles on 101 South the farm houses began multiplying...


...as did the fruit stands.


Well, looks like we're headed for Gilroy.


The temperature increaseed and Jesse and I began to regret the journey we had embarked on.


The next thing Jesse and I knew we were passing through Watsonville and on our way to Santa Cruz. It was at this time the weather some how turned a complete 180.


Jesse then remembered where an Extra Mile was in Santa Cruz.


You took the words right our of my mouth.


Corn dog high fives.


The fruits of our labor.

Off the Wagon

Those who have seen The Never Ending Story know all too well the gleeful smiling face of Falcor. This mythical flying puppy's face is a symbol of hope and innocence. It is shining beacon of hope in a world of darkness and despair.



Actually, taking into account recent events, perhaps I should rephrase my last statement. Falcore "was" a symbol of innocence...



...that was until he began hitting the sauce. At first it was just a couple beers during BBQs and social functions.



It was not long however, before everyone's beloved canine was downing malt liquor on the streets of San Jose. Let us hope this is just a passing phase for Falcor and that AA meetings will not be required.

Just kidding,




Let us all follow the lead of Falcor. Summer is upon us, time to party!