Typical Jive

It's not at all unusual for a Calderwood to engage in some sort of strange activity for no apparent reason at an unexpected time. I have inherited this trait and learned to embrace it, but it is my father who truly has made an art form out of what appears to most as a behavioral disorder. I have witnessed my father roast nuts at 5:30 in the morning, clean the gutters while it is pouring rain, and most recently...

begin carving up a smoked turkey half way through watching The Hurt Locker.


My dad and I find it very hard to stay focused on a movie that exceeds two hours, no matter how engrossing it may be.


"Try this, it's the shits (my father says "the shits" instead of "the shit)."

Double your Pleasure

Oh what a joy it is to eat eggs. Nothing is more satisfying than caressing that smooth shiny orb, cracking it open on the edge of a frying pan, and watching the embryo with slide gracefully onto a nonstick surface generously coated in warm butter. What on earth could ever compare to such a euphoric experience?

It is on those rare occasions when two yolks reside in one shell, that you truly experience life. It's just like eating siamese twins. Or think of it as twice the cholesterol, twice the taste, and twice the fun!

Making Love to a Dead Horse

Listen, I hate to beat a dead horse (or make love to one, as title indicates) but I must remind all of you wonderful Cloggers that I am still very much interested in exchanging oven fresh treats for product. The supply of boards I once enjoyed with reckless abandon has dwindled away to almost nothing. I am more than willing to make pies for anyone who wants to barter, but have recently expanded my range of baked goods to include breads and pastry.



You to can be in possession of a giant loaf of olive rosemary bread. All you must do is, yah know, hook me up with some weed, errrr I mean crack, I mean POT! Wait maybe some bearings.



Why go to Paris when you can just give me a board and experience all that France has to offer. Croissants come plain or with ham, cheese, chocolate, turkey, swiss, bacon, meth, heroine, almond, and just about anything else you can think of that doesn't cost me more than fifty dollars. Because if that happens to be the case, then I am just going to buy myself a board and spend the time it would take baking on better things like doing hard core CRACK!