A Tale of Three Wieners

A little over a year has passed since my beloved Tommy's left me, and I am still in mourning.  While I am convinced nothing will ever replace her Taco Tuesdays I held so dear, in no way does it mean I have completely given up all hope on bar food themed days.  Attending Wiener Wednesdays at The Bears for me is like getting back out in the dating scene after a horrific break up.

I must admit that once again throwing myself into the bar food game has gone much smoother than expected.  With a big steaming crock pot full wieners and a vast array of condiments to slather on them how can you go wrong!?  I have also come to the shocking realization the you can learn just about everything there is to know about a person by what condiments they adorn their hotdog with.  I have devised a game to see if you the reader can match the hot dog to the human.  Hot dogs will have numbers, the humans will have letters, and the answers will be at the bottom.  Good luck!

1.  Tons of wasabi mustard, onions, and relish.

2.  Couldn't be more boring.

   

3.  Hot dog is pretty much just a whiskey chaser.

A.  Nugget 

B.  Shawn

C.  CalderClog

1-C, 2-A, 3-B

Check back soon for three more contestants. 

 

The Key to a Good Time is the God Damn Lime

Spring is upon us, and it is time to start thinking about your health.

 

 The Clog lacks pie related posts like an 18th century British sailor lacks sufficient vitamin C.  Without proper nutrients sailors could contract scurvy, a disease characterized by unexplained bleeding, loss of teeth, spots on the skin, and eventual death.  I am not sure if there is a Clog equivalent of scurvy caused by lack of pie, but if you feel like you may need more vitamin C in your diet limes are the answer!

 What better way to ward off disease than with a delightfully refreshing key lime pie.  Fret not if your garnishes fail live up to the picture, I've had years of practice. 

 Wash that slice of pie down with a margarita!  The alcohol contained in this drink also has medicinal and spiritual benefits.

There is one in Every Crowd

Whether it be taking Advil, brushing with Crest, or eating Shredded Wheat, for every ten doctors surveyed there is always one who is not willing to buy into the hype.  Let's face it, nine out ten isn't too shabby, and I usually assume the odd man out resembles professor Herbert West from Re-Animator.

  This is not exactly the type of physician I am about to take cereal advice from.  However, it does make you wonder what red flag shot up for that one doctor while all the others gave said product their professional stamp of approval.  To help make sense of this quandary I have compiled a list of perfectly logical reasons why this one doctor might not show his support for a product.  In this case study let us use Shredded Wheat.

-  The doctor caught his wife sleeping with a Post Cereal employee and refuses to support the company.

 -  The doctor is simply playing devil's advocate and loves to go against his peers.

-  The doctor is on a low carb diet and only eats steak and kale.

-  As a child the doctor was a promised a toy inside a box of Shredded Wheat, and was horrified to find no such toy once the cereal was finished.

-  This doctor was raised on Kellogg's and does not intend on changing.

-  The doctor has accepted a bribe from a rival cereal company.

This is all for now, but feel free to submit your own far fetched reasons to The Clog's writing staff.