The Reverse Lost Phone Paradox

The following has been transcribed from a text conversation occurring relatively soon after said event.  Begin transcription:
I got a cool story for you
kinda
I go to Cinebar and consume some (many) beverages.
During which time my mind becomes a little hazy.
I awake this morning my be, like I do most mornings.
It is a very comfy bed mind you.
I check for my belongings, wallet, phone, keys, and such.
And to my surprise not only do I have my phone, but a second phone and a gold leaf phone case.
After some careful detective work I discover that this phone belongs to one of the owners of San Jose Barbell.
I plan on holding the phone ransom in exchange for a gym membership.  Mad gains and lifting to the max!

Hahahahaha omg (laughing/crying emoji).

I am a firm believer in proper presentation.