Lessons in Religion

"Be not fearful of my presence mortal, for I bring with me only mirthful tidings," said the Archangel Dagmar.  And so Jebediah cast aside his fear and approached the towering celestial figure.  The silence of the night hung heavy as a wreath around the two of them.  "Am I wrong, during this most joyous time of year, to revel in the Dionysian pursuits of the mortal world," inquired Jebediah.  "What knowledge have you of the pleasures awaiting you in the next life, or if such a life even exists," responded Dagmar.  Jebediah pondered the Archangel's words for a moment, and then with great jubilation answered, "I suppose there is no certainty in a life after this one.  Perhaps I should feel no guilt indulging in all the glorious delights this Christmas has to offer!"  "Yolo," responded Dagmar, "Yolo."          

Humping an imperial walker is acceptable.

Bring all your friends together!

Los Gatos in full splender.

Pour your own beer on your birthday.

Make a steak face.

And never forget the ham.  

Crossbreeding the Holidays

There are some folks who might mate a Schnauzer with a Shih Tzu, or perhaps graft an olive branch onto a cherry tree.  These activities, and a slew of others, are considered normal.  So I think it perfectly fine that I take footage from this past Halloween and display it on December 17th.  Stay strapped for the holidays my friends, what if it isn't Santa coming through yo chimney.  

Christmas Clog Wellness Advice

As hopeless as a middle aged white man in a nightclub searching for a way to gyrate his hips to the beat of some tune completely foreign to him, a car's wiper blades will never truly sync up with the music being played within it.

The bass thumps
the blades jump to catch up,
land perfectly as cymbals chime,
but fall behind in short time.

On occasion song and blade will share a perfectly choreographed duet, but only for a fleeting moment, and then it's back to heads bumping and toes exchanging blows.  While the wiper blade syncopation issue may be out of our mortal control, there are a few simple activities proven to enhance our quality of life.  
 

Always eat a hotdog before or (and) after cutting down a Christmas tree.

Always grind your own spices.  It speaks volumes about the type of human being you are.

Always go to a body of water when it rains, because this is when they are the happiest.

Finally, always lick the beaters.  You know that you want to.

(I completely condone the consumption of raw eggs)