Christmas Clog Wellness Advice

As hopeless as a middle aged white man in a nightclub searching for a way to gyrate his hips to the beat of some tune completely foreign to him, a car's wiper blades will never truly sync up with the music being played within it.

The bass thumps
the blades jump to catch up,
land perfectly as cymbals chime,
but fall behind in short time.

On occasion song and blade will share a perfectly choreographed duet, but only for a fleeting moment, and then it's back to heads bumping and toes exchanging blows.  While the wiper blade syncopation issue may be out of our mortal control, there are a few simple activities proven to enhance our quality of life.  
 

Always eat a hotdog before or (and) after cutting down a Christmas tree.

Always grind your own spices.  It speaks volumes about the type of human being you are.

Always go to a body of water when it rains, because this is when they are the happiest.

Finally, always lick the beaters.  You know that you want to.

(I completely condone the consumption of raw eggs)