Pie, Another Look

While shaving (my face) today I began thinking back to that part in American Pie where Jim violates a freshly made, lattice top, apple pie. I can not fathom what would drive a normal person to commit such an act of depravity. Personally I do not condone any sort of sexual conduct directed towards pies, or any other pastry for that matter. However I did begin to ask myself the question, "If I were to make love to a pie, what type would it be?"


So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you without further ado, the three most fuckable pies. I also have included the least sexually appealing pie.

3.
Lemon meringue Has a relatively firm texture when compared to other custard pies like pumpkin and sweet potato. I also imagine that penetrating the fluffy topping of the pie may have an interesting feel. I'd do her.

2.
Now this is a thick pie. The banana cream, while not being a very tasty pie in the least, would provide the strongest custard filling for a good amount of pounding. This little number would last all night long. More cushin' for the pushin.'

1.
The cherry pie is the number one most fuckable pie, and for good reason. Just the name "cherry pie" conjures up thoughts of sexual conquest and exploration. This pie has lattice top slits and a stable filling. Other fruit pies like apple may also provide hours of pleasure, but the size of cherries makes this pie perfect. Give it to me a la mode baby!

WARNING!

The least fuckable pie on earth would have to be the pecan. Despite its amazing taste, this pie would perform terribly in the sack. Just imagine what it would feel like to rub you penis against a half pound of rock hard pecans. Definitely not getting a boner off of this one.

So there you have it folks... not only have I provided you with a list of the loosest pies on the market, but I have also lost my mind in the process. Take comfort in my insanity. Merry Christmas and a happy screw year.